


Failnonna Saga

by Enochia



Category: Fail_Fandomanon RPF
Genre: Bad Poetry, Crack, Gen, Pastiche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 12:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/609804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enochia/pseuds/Enochia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And this is why one shouldn't be reading Icelandic sagas during Yuletide.</p><p>WARNING: Defilement of Icelandic and Japanese literature.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Failnonna Saga

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Monsteranon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monsteranon/gifts).



> And this is why one shouldn't be reading Icelandic sagas during Yuletide.
> 
> WARNING: Defilement of Icelandic and Japanese literature.

What is said on the Web That Is Wide As World is not easily deleted, for Caps of Screen and Cache of Google preserve the thoughtless statements and long is the memory of the Observers of Wank. Thus was the practice of Anon established, that one might speak one’s mind yet suffer not their names memorised in the Annals of Wank.

In time, many places rose where one could discuss delicate matters under guise of Anon, but Fail_Fandomanon was among the greatest. And its mod hight Sunnycamehome2u, and wielded a mighty Banhammer, which is said to be a gift from Thor himself. 

Yet so it came to pass that one day a saucer fell from the sky, and people did document this but government said it was untrue. And CIA hid the evidence, which was nothing but a crater, for the saucer bore aliens which were on a mission, and thus took apart their saucer as soon as they landed and hid from the eyes of Secret Services.

And the aliens scanned with their alien devices, and came to know of Web That Is Wide As World, and saw power in it. And thus they set out on a quest to agitate it or their nefarious purposes.

And so it came to pass that aliens’ dastardly deeds caused many a Fail of Anon. And thus did the Wank rise.

But wise mod of Fail_Fandomanon then took up the Banhammer and asked, “Who wants to be banned?” And Gentlefailers rejoiced. And the mighty Mod thus swung the mighty hammer and struck the identity of those that failed Anon so that they might never fail again, and thus became CAPCTHA their eternal companion.

Alas, for the mighty swing of the Banhammer came too late. For wank begat wank until it reached critical mass, and then it imploded. And aliens harnessed this metaphysical negative energy and created a portal to bring in more of their brethren.

Now, people of Earth knew not their strange weapons and technologies and were forced to retreat. And Gentlefailers gathered to talk of these dire matters. 

But then the Knights of the Order of Social Justice spoke, and they said that alien is a harmful word. They proposed that the invaders ought to be called “People of Other Planet”. But then dissent broke within the Order, for some of most zealous knights argued that “other” implies just as great discrimination.

And then it came to be that a lone Anon asked, “Why the fuck are we discussing how to call them politely when we’re going to kill ‘em all anyway?” This misfortunate Anon was lost forever under a dogpile of incensed Knights of Social Justice, reunited again against a common foe.

And bards of Shonanon were so stunned at the level of Fail there, they found themselves unable to produce a full waka, but merely a haiku:

“Great is the folly  
Of the one who challenges  
Social Justice Knights”

After these things came to pass, the talk turned back to the matter of invasion. And many were in favor of taking up the ways of Guerilla.

But then came the counsel of Nathan Fillion-Hating Anon, who despised the visage of Nathan Fillion so, their hatred spread to those to whom Nathan Fillion lent his most loathsome face. And thus did Nathan Fillion-Hating Anon propose not to do what a certain captain would do, but strike in a more insidious way.

And blue_bolete, the Great Poet and Connoisseur of Fungi spoke up and said that there might be such a way. For when one day blue_bolete sought inspiration amongst fungus, they witnessed one of aliens poke a certain mushroom and drop dead soon after.

And thus did Gentlefailers travel far and wide and sought the fungus, aided by blue_bolete’s sketches and poetic descriptions. They found that fateful fungus very common and it did indeed prove lethal to aliens. Aided by it, they unleashed many a biological attack on the aliens, from mixing the powder in the water to spreading it through the air. And the aliens fell without exception.

And thus ended the alien invasion.


End file.
